since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
