in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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