I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
