The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
