No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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