More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
