I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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