I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
