whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Small penises have feelings too.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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