I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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