also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
