very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
