Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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