It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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