you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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