Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
