In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize