The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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