Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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