she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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