dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
