i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
