dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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