I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
