So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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