Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
