is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
