Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
