your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
