I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize