Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
