If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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