I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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