grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
