I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
