Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
