I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
