How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
