she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
