I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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