Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
