I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
