He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
