He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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