I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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