Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
