we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
