This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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