your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
