Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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