Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
