I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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