I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
