He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
