I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well you can't waste a boner
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
