I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
