when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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