PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
