Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
