i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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