this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
