You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
