I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize