There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
