Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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