if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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