check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize