Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
