this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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