so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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